Dumb luck

I’ve heard a lot of complaints this season from people about how they’re unlucky in fantasy football. You know how it goes — you score 130, only to lose to a guy who puts up 133. To address this question, I crunched the numbers to create a luck-free scoring matrix.

Here’s how it works: It’s as though you played all 13 other teams each week. If you scored the highest of anyone that week, you go 13-0. If you have the lowest score of the week, you go 0-13.

The results:

DTs snag final playoff spot, revenge game set

The Green Bay defense held Ray Rice in check, and the DTs held off Screw the Pilgrims to capture the 8th and final playoff spot in the Ahmedinejad Flyers fantasy football league.

The win sets up a made-for-TV rematch between the DTs and Bollinger’s Bombers. The DTs were the only team to beat the Bombers in the regular season, and are already parading that fact around. “See that ’1′ in the Bombers’ loss column?” the DTs ask rhetorically via smack talk. “Yeah, we gave them that.” Whatever. I’ll do my talking on the fake football field. Well, to be honest, I do my talking on this blog and on the fake football field.

Other playoff matchups include the inglourious basterds vs Screw the pilgrims. The ib’s won the regular season contest between these two. I fear and respect these two teams, respectively, so I’d be just fine if they both lost. I think the Yahoo! projection of some 28 points for the basterds’ Chris Johnson may be a touch high, but this will be a shootout nonetheless.

All Shake & Seeds faces Rex is not our QB in the 3-6 matchup. Even though Shake absolutely crushed Rex in the regular season, this is my upset special. I predict that the defensive hex Shake puts on his opponents ends this week.

The No. 2 seed Bradydaddys draw The [Prima]Donnas in the first round. The ‘daddys won the regular season matchup of these childhood friends. I don’t see any reason she can’t make it two wins in a row against the hapless Donnas.

Another nailbiter for the DTs

Will the pride of Rutgers sink The DTs?

With one Monday Night Football game left to play in the Ahmedinejad Flyers fantasy football regular season, three teams are vying for the final playoff spot.

The DTs can punch their ticket if they hold on to their 24.02-point lead over Screw the Pilgrims. Screw has two players left, Ravens RB Ray Rice and the Green Bay defense. Rice and the GB defense have combined to eclipsed 24.02 total points four out of 11 possible times this season, including two of the last three weeks. This one is going to be a nailbiter.

If the DTs falter, Snyder’s a bitch (5-8, after thrashing The [Prima]Donnas) is poised to sneak into the final playoff spot. A loss by the DTs puts both teams at 5-8, but Snyder’s holds the edge in the tiebreak, thanks to a higher season point total (1,299.22-1282.04).

There is a very, very, very, so-infinitesimally-small-that-I-probably-shouldn’t-even-mention-it chance that your mom (5-8 after topping Toddler Terrors) could make the playoffs. For that to happen she first needs the DTs to lose and fall to 5-8. Then she needs 65.10 points from Green Bay WR Donald Driver and RB Ryan Grant, so she can pass Snyder’s in the season point total. Neither Driver nor Grant has scored more than 22 points in a week this season, and their highest combined total was 35.50 (week 7 at Cleveland). So while it’s mathematically possible, it’s about as likely as Rex Grossman regaining a starting job.

Rex sighting!

Apparently, Rex Grossman got a few snaps yesterday when Matt Schaub was briefly hurt. As you can see, he made the most of them.

Good thing for you that Nate fiddled with the waiver rules, otherwise I would’ve picked him up yesterday afternoon.

This day in history: What a squeaker!

On this day two years ago, Bollinger’s Bombers beat Gamblers 90.96-90.36, the smallest-ever margin of victory in the history of the league. The Gamblers were just some random team used to fill out the 14-person league. They went 4-9 on the season, probably because they were carrying three defenses. The Bombers won the league that year.

Breaking: Donnas admit to trickeration

In a gchat message, the owner/manager of The [Prima]Donnas fantasy football team, fresh of a playoff berth, suggested they faked their way into the post season.

“i used voodoo or some shit to make the playoffs,” she said.

More info to follow.

Week 12 is make or break

As our fantasy football league’s regular season nears its close, each game takes on renewed importance. Unless you’re 10-1, in which case you can just rest your starters. Here’s a look at some potentially explosive matchups this weekend.

In search of the *

With week 11 in the books, the playoff picture in the Ahmedinjead Flyers fantasy football league is coming into focus. Three teams — the Bradydaddys, All Shake & Seeds, and inglourious basterds – clinched playoff spots this week, joining the league juggernaut, my Bollinger’s Bombers.

Basterds turn their lonely eyes to Chris Johnson

We know that Monday Night Football will once again play a spoiler role, but we don’t yet know for whom. The streaking inglourious basterds need 16.28 points from Tennessee RB Chris Johnson to beat The [Prima]Donnas. Johnson has easily eclipsed that mark in each of the last three games.

I’m done and The DTs are also MNF-dependent. I’m done needs a big night from each of his first two picks — Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. The DTs will need to hang on to that nearly 43-point lead in order to avoid becoming a postseason postscript.

And in the down-but-not-out category, the Toddler Terrors need 70 points from QB Matt Schaub, WR Jacoby Jones, and RB LenDale White. The Bradydaddys counter with WR Nate Washington.

Once these games are squared away, we’ll start to get a clear sense of the playoff picture.

This day in history: A game of inches

On this day one year ago, the bradydaddys lost to the Toddler Terrors 93.98-92.30. A tiny margin of victory, but still bigger than the margin in previous week’s 106.18-105.02 loss to Bollinger’s Bombers. Two losses by a total of 2.84 points. Ouch.