Here’s how it works: It’s as though you played all 13 other teams each week. If you scored the highest of anyone that week, you go 13-0. If you have the lowest score of the week, you go 0-13.

The results:

The rank is your ranking under the new system. The +/- is how much you gained or lost from the Yahoo! system to my luck-free system.

From this we see that Ben is the luckiest player. By far. His All Shake & Seeds ought to be 10th and out of the playoffs, instead of third. The ‘Donnas are pretty lucky too. A lot of teams tied for unluckiest — Snyder’s, your mom, and Fourniercaters…Grr all missed the playoffs because of their bad luck.

There’s a real bell curve feeling here — the teams at the top and bottom appear to belong there, while the teams in the middle seem to feel the effects of luck the most.

The win sets up a made-for-TV rematch between the DTs and Bollinger’s Bombers. The DTs were the only team to beat the Bombers in the regular season, and are already parading that fact around. “See that ’1′ in the Bombers’ loss column?” the DTs ask rhetorically via smack talk. “Yeah, we gave them that.” Whatever. I’ll do my talking on the fake football field. Well, to be honest, I do my talking on this blog and on the fake football field.

Other playoff matchups include the inglourious basterds vs Screw the pilgrims. The ib’s won the regular season contest between these two. I fear and respect these two teams, respectively, so I’d be just fine if they both lost. I think the Yahoo! projection of some 28 points for the basterds’ Chris Johnson may be a touch high, but this will be a shootout nonetheless.

All Shake & Seeds faces Rex is not our QB in the 3-6 matchup. Even though Shake absolutely crushed Rex in the regular season, this is my upset special. I predict that the defensive hex Shake puts on his opponents ends this week.

The No. 2 seed Bradydaddys draw The [Prima]Donnas in the first round. The ‘daddys won the regular season matchup of these childhood friends. I don’t see any reason she can’t make it two wins in a row against the hapless Donnas.

Will the pride of Rutgers sink The DTs?

With one Monday Night Football game left to play in the Ahmedinejad Flyers fantasy football regular season, three teams are vying for the final playoff spot.

The DTs can punch their ticket if they hold on to their 24.02-point lead over Screw the Pilgrims. Screw has two players left, Ravens RB Ray Rice and the Green Bay defense. Rice and the GB defense have combined to eclipsed 24.02 total points four out of 11 possible times this season, including two of the last three weeks. This one is going to be a nailbiter.

If the DTs falter, Snyder’s a bitch (5-8, after thrashing The [Prima]Donnas) is poised to sneak into the final playoff spot. A loss by the DTs puts both teams at 5-8, but Snyder’s holds the edge in the tiebreak, thanks to a higher season point total (1,299.22-1282.04).

There is a very, very, very, so-infinitesimally-small-that-I-probably-shouldn’t-even-mention-it chance that your mom (5-8 after topping Toddler Terrors) could make the playoffs. For that to happen she first needs the DTs to lose and fall to 5-8. Then she needs 65.10 points from Green Bay WR Donald Driver and RB Ryan Grant, so she can pass Snyder’s in the season point total. Neither Driver nor Grant has scored more than 22 points in a week this season, and their highest combined total was 35.50 (week 7 at Cleveland). So while it’s mathematically possible, it’s about as likely as Rex Grossman regaining a starting job.

“i used voodoo or some shit to make the playoffs,” she said.

More info to follow.

Right off the top, we’ve got a battle for playoff seeding between the 8-3 Bradydaddys and the 7-4 inglourious basterds. If the basterds can win this by at least 14 points, they’ll vault into second place in the league. Yahoo! gives the nod to the ‘daddys. She has three players going Monday night (Brees, Colston, Maroney), while he has reception machine Welker playing that night. This is the game of the week, in my view. It could easily be 138-135 when it’s all said and done.

At the other end of standings, we’ve got Rex is not our QB facing your mom. The winner takes a big step toward sewing up a playoff berth. Seven of the 20 players involved in this matchup play tomorrow in turkey day games, so we may have a good sense of the winner before Sunday even gets here. I like your mom. That’s not a statement about who I think will win this game. Just a general statement.

Fourniercaters… Grr has her back against the wall and needs a win against my Bollinger’s Bombers. This matchup would look a lot different had we pulled the trigger on a trade two weeks ago to send Larry Fitzgerald and Cadillac Williams to F… G for Ronnie Brown and Jerricho Cotchery. Now that Ronnie Brown is out on IR, I’m glad I got cold feet.

The recently remade All Shake & Seeds play the Toddler Terrors. His newly acquired QB Aaron Rodgers (No. 1 in points on the season) is projected for 25 points against the Lions tomorrow. And to think he only had to give up a remarkably inconsistent QB and a backup RB to get him.

The [Prima]Donnas, fresh off an upset over the basterds, look for another big win against I’m done. This is a day of reckoning for Nate, after he sent the Donnas Mendenhall, McCoy and Manningham for Ochocinco in a bogus deal that he admitted was aimed only at helping Kat beat me on a big bye week. She didn’t, and No. 85 hasn’t seen the endzone since. No wonder he’s in last place. That’s no way to run a team.

Snyder’s a bitch and the DTs square off, with the DTs needing a win to stay in the playoff hunt. I like Tom Brady on Monday night to spoil the party for the DTs.

And finally, the ever-changing Screw a bitch draws FarBeyondDriven this week. Screw needs a win to continue his march to back-to-back championships. Yahoo! projections say he’ll get it, but by a skin-of-the-teeth two-tenths of a point.

The ‘daddys got in with a win over the moribund Toddler Terrors, while new-look Shake did it by beating previously .500 Rex is not our QB. Shake has a new QB (Aaron Rodgers, thanks to our colluding commissioner), a new RB (Cedric Benson, thanks to your mom), and he looks poised for a deep playoff run.

4-7? Egh.

The gamble by your mom to trade away her best player in the hopes of winning this week and staying in the hunt didn’t pay off — she fell by two points to the Bombers.

The basterds (7-4) got into the playoffs despite a loss to The [Prima]Donnas (6-5). The outcome of that game was in doubt until the very end of Monday Night Football, thus explaining the celebratory text “Stunning FF upset!!!!” I received at 11:52 p.m. The win was huge for the ‘Donnas, putting her in 6th place overall and in the driver’s seat the rest of the way. She has the easiest remaining schedule, facing a pair of 3-8 teams. Win both and she’ll make the playoffs easily.

Vince’s recently renamed Screw a bitch (6-5) took care of Snyder’s a bitch (3-8). ‘Twas another tough-luck loss for Snyder’s — he scored almost 109 but Screw dropped a week-best 138. Screw has the inside track to the playoffs now, with a fifth-place standing and two sub-.500 teams remaining on the schedule. He should make it into the playoffs if he wins either of those two games.

The DTs are living life on the edge — now 5-6 and in seventh place after topping colluding commissioner I’m done this week. The DTs get Snyders next week, then have a week 13 showdown with Screw, with a playoff spot perhaps on the line.

As of today, the eighth and final playoff spot somehow goes to Rex is not our QB, who has rebounded to 5-6 after an 0-4 start.

On the outside looking in is Fourniercaters… Grr, who topped FarBeyondDriven this week. F… G needs a win against the 10-1 Bombers this week to stay in the picture, then another against Rex in week 13 to make the playoffs. She has Adrian Peterson*, so anything can happen.  (*She tried to trade Adrian Peterson last week to Shake for two backup RBs, a WR suspended for drugs, and a platter of chili rellenos, but colluding commissioner Nate scrapped the deal.)

I don’t think the rest of the unwashed masses at 4-7 — your mom, FarBeyondDriven, Toddler Terrors — are mathematically eliminated just yet, but they’ll need some help to make the top eight.

I’m done and The DTs are also MNF-dependent. I’m done needs a big night from each of his first two picks — Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton. The DTs will need to hang on to that nearly 43-point lead in order to avoid becoming a postseason postscript.

And in the down-but-not-out category, the Toddler Terrors need 70 points from QB Matt Schaub, WR Jacoby Jones, and RB LenDale White. The Bradydaddys counter with WR Nate Washington.

Once these games are squared away, we’ll start to get a clear sense of the playoff picture.